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Polishing Your People Skills

Broadcasts for: January 16 - January 20, 2006

Monday, January 16, 2006

In my book, How To Thrive from 9 to 5 , I have a chapter on the Five Basic People Skills. This week I'd like to give you a shorthand version of those people skills, and the first basic people skill is:

Give people your attention.
It really makes a person feel special when we give them our undivided attention. Here are some things you can do:

Eliminate distractions
It's difficult to give your undivided attention to a person when there are distractions. Don't try to do two things at once. When you're talking to someone, stop your other activities. Then, try to eliminate the distractions around you, such as loud music or noise, when interferes with communication.

Call people by name
This is so easy to do and it really makes a person feel very special when called by name. Don't trust your memory–write the name down when you can. Then use it several times.

When you meet someone who has a name tag on, such as a waiter or clerk in the store, call that person by name. When someone on the other end of the telephone gives you his or her name, call them by name at once. Develop an awareness of names and use them often. It's such a simple thing to do, and it is a very powerful people skill.

Give verbal and non-verbal cues
Show that you are listening, and therefore giving your attention, by sending listening cues. In person that includes eye contact and facial expressions. On the telephone, those cues will have to be verbal–an occasional "Yes" or "I see" or something similar to indicate you are listening and haven't hung up!

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Listen better
Don't talk about yourself so much. Let them talk about themselves and simply listen with interest. There are very few good listeners in the world, and it's one of the most important people skills.

So, this is people skill number one: Give people around you your attention. This is a very practical thing you can do this very day–ask God to make you more sensitive to the people around you and simply give them your attention today. You will be amazed at the difference this simple skill will make in your ability to get along with people.

Click here to download the .pdf of the people skills form from Mary!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Would you like to improve your people skills? Many people are sadly lacking in their ability to simply get along with others. As believers, we should truly want to have the best people skills possible, because every person is important to God and therefore should be to us. The second skill is:

Give people the respect you would want them to give you

Avoid "bad-mouthing" and gossip
It's so easy to get caught up in company gossip or bad mouthing. Everybody seems to do it and it almost becomes the "in-thing" to do. But that is one of the worse things you can do for your own career advancement, and in addition it shows a disrespectful attitude toward others.

Solomon gave us some good advice in Ecclesiastes 10:20: Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird of the air may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say. Those words of disrespect have a way of getting back. You will be amazed to discover that what you thought you said in strictest confidence is now common knowledge around the job. A good rule of thumb is not to say anything about someone that you would not say to that person's face.

How do you feel when you know people have been talking about you behind your back? Do you think your boss or your co-workers feel any differently? This is one of the most disrespectful things we can do, and yet we do it so easily. If you want to save yourself a great deal of grief and really improve your people skills, avoid all gossip and/or gripe sessions.

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Watch out for condescending tones or words
Three specific occasions come to mind where we can sound condescending very easily:

When answering the "dumb" question. Even your tone of voice can carry the message, "Wow, what a stupid question!"
When communicating with elderly people. It may be necessary to speak a little louder or slower, but it is not necessary to speak down to that person, in a childish way.
When communicating with foreigners or people with accents. Typically we start to raise the volume of our voices in these situations. Remember, that person is not deaf, but you may need to speak more slowly.

Click here to download the .pdf of the people skills form from Mary!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Here's skill number three:

Develop a reputation for dependability
If we surveyed people who work with you, live with you, or know you well, would they describe you as a dependable person? A reputation for dependability is built or destroyed in little ways. If you prove to be dependable in the small things, you will undoubtedly be dependable in the big things. Here are some of those little things that matter:

Keep track of any commitment or promise you make
Do you have a method to follow up on yourself? I can't imagine that anyone can be consistently dependable without some efficient follow-up system. It can be a formal method, such as Day Timers, to a simple "to-do" list or calendar, as long as it works! Whatever method you use, be sure to write down all your commitments and follow-up on yourself consistently.

Return your phone calls promptly
Most people are amazed when someone returns a phone call promptly. It sends a very positive impression of your professionalism, and it also tells that person that his or her call is important to you.

Don't promise what you cannot personally deliver
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Avoid the tendency to make careless promises. ("Under promise, over deliver" is a good motto). And avoid getting caught in the trap of making a promise for someone else to deliver, such as, "I'll have him return your call." If you don't have the authority to make that happen, you've promised what you cannot deliver.

When you realize you cannot fulfill a promise or commitment you've made to someone, for unforeseen reasons, it is far more credible for you to inform that person ahead of time rather than waiting until he or she contacts you. Take the initiative to let that person know the status of the situation, even though it may not be pleasant to break the bad news.

The Bible tells us that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful–or dependable. It's not only an important people skill, it's also our spiritual duty to God. Let's work at being more faithful.

Click here to download the .pdf of the people skills form from Mary!!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Would you like to have very good people skills? Well, it's possible for anyone to acquire the kind of skills that enable you to get along better with others and communicate more effectively. I'm outlining five simple basic people skills which all of us can practice if we want to. Here's number four:

Be willing to go the extra mile.
Extra-milers are few and far between. Certainly Jesus taught us the extra mile attitude in Matthew 5:38-42:

You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.” But I tell you. . . If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

This is one of the teachings of Christ we often find difficult to practice on our jobs, because it appears that we would just be letting others run over us. The world system is one of taking care of number one, making sure no one takes advantage of you, watching out for your rights, etc. It's not always easy to practice the extra-mile philosophy in that kind of environment.

But the facts are that an extra-mile attitude is a winning attitude. It's keeps customers long-term, builds long-term careers, and establishes long-term relationships. We are all impressed

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by people who truly do more than they have to do.

Take it as a challenge to find ways to show that you are an extra-miler. Here are some easy suggestions:

When asked a question you cannot answer, find someone who can.
When you're not able to do what someone has asked you to do, ask yourself what you can do, and offer to do something else.
When you see a person with a puzzled look or seemingly confused, ask if you can help instead of just passing by.
When your manager is under stress, ask what you can do to take some of the pressure off of him or her.
With any assignment you have, ask yourself what additional input or work you could do to enhance that assignment.
Imagine that you are the manager of your company or department and ask yourself what needs to be done. Volunteer for an assignment, or if appropriate, just do it without being asked.
When you think you've finished a job, think of one more thing you can do to improve it.
When a co-worker is struggling with a heavy workload or deadline, offer to help.

If you'll start focusing on being an extra-miler, I guarantee that your people skills will skyrocket.

Click here to download the .pdf of the people skills form from Mary!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Are you a "people person"? Whether or not you consider yourself a people person, all of us need to have very good people skills and know how best to deal with others. The fifth Basic People Skill is:

Put yourself in the other person's shoes
Jesus gave us what we've called "The Golden Rule" and it is still the best basis of dealing successfully with people. You'll find it in Luke 6:

Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31).

This is always a "win-win" attitude. When I purposely stop and try to put myself in the other person's shoes, I will of course treat that person with more consideration, patience and kindness, and I will also reduce my own stress and frustration because I'm not thinking http://www.christianworkingwoman.org/Daily/1-16-06.html

about me, I'm thinking about the other person.

We add immeasurable stress to our lives by being focused on ourselves and making sure we get what's coming to us. Any little infraction of our rights then causes an emotional reaction, which causes stress. However, when we are focused on the other person, how they feel, why they are behaving the way they are, etc., we forget ourselves and that stress never has a chance to get started.

Are you aware of the power of empathy? Remember, empathy goes a very long way, and you will greatly enhance your ability to get along with people by really putting yourself in their shoes and verbally expressing statements of empathy.

I always try to remind myself that people are more important to God than projects, and God loves all those people around you just as much as He loves you. So, ask Him to make you sensitive to others and aware of what you need to do to improve your people skills. Of course it will benefit you greatly to do that, but more importantly, it will make you a better representative of Jesus Christ. I challenge you, as I do myself, to make that a high priority in your life.

Click here to download the .pdf of the people skills form from Mary!!

Mary's book, How to Thrive from 9 to 5, has much practical help for daily living. You can order Mary's products by calling 1-800-292-1218 or online at www.christianworkingwoman.org

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